she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
