she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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