I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize