My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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