the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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