Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize