the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
