I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
