I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
smell my finger.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
