I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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