what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
