Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I am midnight drunk by noon
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
