Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
