I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
