I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
