Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
vagina is talking i cant
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
