I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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