franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
