get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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