Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
