Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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