i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
