I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
