she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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