i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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