Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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