dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
