No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
