Im at strip club and am horny
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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