So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
