I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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