I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
