so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
