This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I did not marry a roomba.
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