What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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