jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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