Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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