U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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