I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
