I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize