In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
