Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
