Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
