i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
