Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
