It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
