I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
