I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
