Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
