There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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