Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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