We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize