come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
