I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
