How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
