it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He had one of those small greek statue penises
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Even my vagina gasped.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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