So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
