new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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