I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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