I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
