i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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