4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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