How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
