i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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