all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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