First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
