apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
