A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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