IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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