i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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