Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize