I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
