I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sorry about my life...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
