David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize