I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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