Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have fence marks all over my body
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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