Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
